Dear Single Momma

A couple of weeks ago, my husband snuck into conversation that he had a work trip coming up. He sheepishly told me the destination (on the other side of the world) and the duration (too many days), and I immediately responded the way that all good therapist wives respond to unwelcome information.

I looked at him like this...

...and walked out of the room. Y'all. I'm precious. 

The thing is, I've become very dependent on my husband since our marriage. When it comes to the daily grind, we are a championship team. We both pull our weight, and we get massive amounts of things accomplished. I never feel alone on the island, and I REALLY LOVE IT THAT WAY! So when he's all "I gotta go to another country...it's for work...they are making me.." this is sort of how I do life...

Nailed it! 

When he leaves, my brain becomes full with all of the things that I normally do in addition to all of the things he does, and while I can do it, I really don't want to. 

But here's the thing. I used to do it all the time. I was a single mom when I started graduate school, and a single mom when I graduated. For a good little chunk of time, I was the only one making the money, paying the bills, getting the mail, mowing the yard, bathing the kid, reading the bedtime stories, packing the lunches, and doing all the things. I was working full time and going to classes and being a mom. I remember times when I had to schedule my showers, because they didn't organically fit anywhere in my day. Whenever my husband leaves town, I'm reminded of those sacred days, and I recall the running and the being and the doing, and I have no freaking idea how I did it. And then it hits me, "Oh yeah, I had an entire village!" 

Y'all. Supermom I am not. I had SO.MUCH.HELP. I had a supportive ex husband who I was parenting with. I had solid former in-laws who were present and helpful. I had ever-available parents who showed up over and over and over again. I am proud of my accomplishment of finishing graduate school...

and sometimes I felt so lonely, but I never had to do it alone. 

As I've sat with so many women embarking on single parenting, and so many of you feel so alone on this journey. Some of you are shouldering the weight of the world, and you don't have a village. You're hustling every day for your babies. You're showing up and making ends meet and taking kids to ball practice and ballet. You're scheduling bill pays and putting together last minute costumes for the third grade wax museum. You're cooking and cleaning and bandaging scraped knees and pulling off magical birthday parties on a shoestring budget. You're talking to teachers and going to school meetings and then running back to work to meet a deadline.

You might have days where you are lonely, and you wonder if you'll ever have a life. You may be struggling to be patient with your challenging child. Maybe you're tired or resentful or wrung out. Maybe you have even thought about giving up, throwing in the towel, and running away. There have been so many hard days. But somehow, you have survived every single one of them. You keep going, and you keep showing up, and you keep getting things done, because you're the real super hero. 

They might not know how to thank you now, but you are being a warrior for your children, and it matters so so much. You're a ROCK, even when you feel weak. You're a SAFE PLACE even when you feel undone. You're their FUTURE, even when you feel your wheels spinning. You are accomplishing amazing, life-giving things. You do not have to be pretty or perfect or put together. You need only to be present. 

I see you, Single Momma. You are doing hard things. I am cheering for you, and I am praying for your tides to turn.